


Send Me on My Way

by runners345ready



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: 5amon road trip, I finally finished, I wrote it, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-12 14:04:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9075073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/runners345ready/pseuds/runners345ready
Summary: The fact that Simon and Five were ‘married’ shouldn’t bother Sam all that much...





	1. Runaway

**Author's Note:**

> I realized I did not acknowledge my beta reader from the Zombies, Write! because I am a terrible person apparently. So this story is dedicated to @you-wishyouwerethiskawaii on tumblr. Thank you so much!

The fact that Simon and Five were ‘married’ shouldn’t bother Sam all that much. It was all a joke really. Simon ‘proposed’ with a ring he won in a vending machine. Joke was him though because Five accepted it and hasn’t stopped wearing the ring since. And the two of them certainly acted like an old married couple. Always bickering, bantering, and generally being softly affectionate in a way that was not exactly what you’d probably not expect from the two.

Even though it wasn’t (and they both admitted it) official and they weren’t actually tied to each other, neither had been involved with anyone else since their ‘engagement’ and subsequent ‘marriage’. And this was especially unusual for a person like Simon. He used to have a new interest/conquest every few days it seemed. But not anymore. Nobody had seen him flirting with or heading home with anyone since this thing with Five.

No one was even there for the marriage. Five simply made a (rather impressive) wedding band from wires taken some of Janine’s spare’s box and Simon has worn it everyday since.

The hardest thing was that no one could figure out whether the two of them were joking or not. A plastic and recycled metal ring weren’t exactly legally binding as holy matrimony goes. But they act like they are together, and also like the best of friends. To be honest, it’s a pretty solid relationship. And Sam is definitely not jealous of it.

Sam is sitting up on the bleachers on his laptop as his runners pound the track. Well he says his runners. He’s just a manager. But they all consider him a part of team. He’s not sure why, but it makes him feel at home.

He can always tell when Five and Simon are rounding to his side of the track. They are always making tons of noise while running together.

“You just like outrunning me cause you think I will look at you butt. But I can assure you that I’m definitely not looking.”

“That’s really your loss then Lauchlan.” Five calls over a shoulder.

“Excuse me! I am a gentlemen, I only look at butts when I have permission.” Simon shouts, picking up speed as Sam looks up.

“Who ever said you didn’t have my permission?” Five spins around and jogs backwards. “We are married after all.” She puts up a hand and indicates to the plastic ring.

“That’s true. Does that give me permission of anything else?”

“Catch me to find out!” Five’s voice fades as she rounds the corner and Simon laughs and speeds up to give chase.

Sam watches them go then turns his attention back to his computer. He’s got to organize the reservations for rooms when the team goes to a competition in a few weeks (He’s doing this while ignoring his engineering homework). He’s making certain there’s enough rooms for the runners to only be doubled up in rooms. In Sam’s experience, three or more runners left together in a room meant trouble. Two just cut down on that if he paired them off correctly. After thinking about the other matchings for runners, he contemplated putting Five and Simon together, because Five was the only one how could keep Simon in check without hurting him.

He shakes his head quickly at the thought. He didn’t even want to think about if or what the two of them do behind closed doors. How real did this fake marriage get?

With a shutter, he returns his attention to the reservation on the screen. No, he’ll put Five and Simon as far away as he can.

But of course after he says this he starts to feels bad. He looks up again and sees Five and Simon running on the other side of the track. Even from the distance, he can tell Five is laughing loudly with Simon fast behind.

Simon makes Five happy, so that should be good enough for him. And he shouldn’t be jealous of what they have.

Focusing on his work again, and actually getting something done he doesn’t notice when he becomes surrounded on both sides.

“Sam. Five and I’ve got an offer you most certainly won’t want to refuse.” Simon ignores Sam’s jump and wraps an arm around his shoulders and hugs him close.

Sam would try to pull away, because Simon is sweaty and smells gross, but he knows that he won’t be able to get away.

“What is this time?” Sam questions.

In lieu of a verbal answer, Five passes him a flier very obviously ripped from a bulletin board.

Sam takes it and reads over it silently.

“A zombie mud run?” He asks, getting two beaming faces in response.

“Yeah! It’s like one of those obstacle courses but you get chased by zombies.” Simon gushes.

“That doesn’t seem like it would actually be very fun.” Sam counters.

“Not in real life anyways.” Five adds quietly.

“But this will be super fun. Look, you can even get paid to be a zombie.” Simon points excitedly at the paper.

“You guys want to play zombies in a mud run?” Sam looks at both of them.

“No, we want to run from zombies,” Five responds.

“But you could make some money if you come with us,” Simon continues.

Five and Simon aren’t quiet to the point where they finish each other sentences. But they are still pretty in sync.

“Okay, but why are you inviting me?” He finally struggles away from Simon and he lets him go.

“Because all the other runners aren’t able to come during the break,” Simon begins.

“And I happen to know you need an excuse not to go home for the break.” Five smiles at him, but there’s a touch of sadness to it. “You’re parents like me. If you say you’re with me, they’ll be pretty cool with that I gather.”

Five is one of the few people who knows his whole sob story, after a long phone conversation in the middle of the night.

“So, what do you say Sammy?” Simon queries.

“This place is like two thousands miles away. How are you even planning getting there?”

Five and Simon share a mischievous and conspiratorial look.

“Road trip?” They say at the same time.

******

In the end, Sam did agree to go on the trip. Not to Simon, only when he and Five had a free moment together when Five was trying to force him to study. Inevitably Five asked him if he thought about the trip. And after being caught by Five’s expectant look, he had said yes without exactly meaning too. Not that he didn’t want to go on a trip with Five; he loved spending time with Five. He was more concerned about being stuck in a car with Simon.

He liked Simon, considered him a good friend. But being in a car with him would be close to torture. He could only imagine the jokes. And the puns. Oh God, the puns.

Being third wheel to the ‘married couple’ could be very awkward too. They seemed to have a game where they would say the most embarrassing things they possibly could trying to make the other one blush first. Sam hasn’t seen either of them break before, though he certainly lost.

But he knew Five and that was not likely to happen. Five’s usually thoughtful like that and can keep from taking Simon’s bait easily.

So the road trip couldn’t end up being that bad… Right?

******

So with bags stuffed in the back of Simon’s car, the Yao Family appeased thanks to Five (Sam’s family really likes Five, considers Sam’s hanging out with Five a good influence for some reason), and enough snacks to keep two runners with fast metabolisms and Sam fed they’re ready to roll out. They’ll be taking shifts driving in order to get there and back within the break.

“Alright, let’s get the show on the road!” Simon reclines himself in the passenger seat. Five volunteered to drive first, naturally. Sam has been pushed to the back seat at Five insisting that he has to get homework done.

“I promised your dad that you would do work, so get to work.” Five reminds him when he asks why he’s not navigating.

“Okay, okay. Just make sure Simon doesn’t get us lost.”

“You wound me sir!” Simon dramatically clutches his stomach, receiving an amused look from Five.

“Headphones on, Sam,” Five says sternly.

“I’m putting them on,” Sam assents. After he places them on and focuses on his notes, he can’t hear what Five and Simon are saying, if they are saying anything. He glances up every once in a while to see that they’re chatting, with is normal he supposes.

He does get a bit of a surprise when he sees that Simon and Five are holding hands. He pulls a headphone off to tune into things and realize they are singing a dramatic duet from the playlist, one that he knows states hand holding. So it’s not too weird. When the song is over, Simon lets go.

“Man Five, your hands are sweaty,” He complains while wiping his hands on his pants.

Five, looking indignant, punches his arm with a feigned gasp.

“You’re one to talk swamp monster.” Five comments, throwing a sort of endearing glance over at him then returning eyes to the road.

“That was lame,” Simon chuckles.

“I know, shut up.” Five counters.

They laugh together for a bit before going quiet. Sam places his headphones back on and tries to work again.


	2. Shut Up and Drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I do love when you get competitive Five. It’s pretty hot.”

After several hours of driving they stop for gas and grab some food. They also switch around so Five is in the back seat, Sam in the passenger next to Simon.

“So you forgot to factor in the resistance there.” Five passes up the homework again.

“Dammit,” Sam mumbles, raking the eyes over the paper.

“It’s alright. That’s why you do homework, so you can get it right on the test.” Five says while leaning on Sam’s seat.

Sam just grunts dubiously in agreement. Five places a hand on his shoulder and squeezes.

“How do you know all that stuff anyways Five? Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re not an engineer.”

“You should listen to Chris sometime. You might pick up a few brain cells.” Five flicks Simon in the head.

“Ow.” He rubs the side of his head.

Five grins and leans closer to Sam and their heads nearly touch.

The song changes and Five sits up straighter.

“Oh, I love this one!” And Sam feels a small rush of pride.

Simon had at first volunteered to provide music; which Five adamantly denied and then put Sam in charge of making a music playlist.

He enlisted the help of Jack and Eugene, his radio friends, to build a perfect playlist. He had to modify it, remove overtly lovey-dovey song Jack no doubt included and add some of Five’s favorites. He left a few of Jack’s songs though. A twelve-ish hours long playlist had to have a few ballads.

They continue driving, and Five continues to consult on the homework as long as they have the light. Simon taps his fingers on the steering wheel lightly, listening to Sam and Five going back and forth, talking about math. He won’t admit he likes having that as background. Math of all things? Comforting? Lame. But the people talking about it… well, they were nice to have close. Even if the two of them were some of the biggest nerds he knows.

It was getting late when they started cruising through a town. Fortunate, because they need to pick up something for dinner. Five and Sam have stopped talking about math and are instead discussing the radio stuff that Sam enjoys going on about.

Suddenly Simon sits bolt upright in the driver’s seat.

“Five, we’ve got two,” He says without further explanation.

Five sits forward, looking around seriously.

“See it. Where does it go?” Five questions.

“I saw a sign. I’d guess a block down this road.” Simon answers, grinning.

“Perfect. Ready to go?” Five ask as Simon pulls the car over.

“Dibs on Sam!” Simon grabs Sam’s arm and lifts it in the air.

“What are you two-“ Sam starts but is cut off by Five.

“Hey, why should you get Sam?”

“Cause I almost crashed last time. This should keep that from happening.”

“Fine, just don’t crash Sam. I’ll let you take the closer one, cause I’m nice.” Sam shifts his stare between the two of them.

“I’m sorry, what is going on?” He asks.

“All you gotta do, Sam, is jump in the cart,” Simon explains, but it doesn’t really help Sam understand.

“Racing carts Sam. Simon needs the weight to keep from tipping over,” Finally Five offers some actual information.

“What?” Sam sputters.

“Ready?” Simon says towards Five without bothering to acknowledge Sam.

“Yep. Ready, set, go!” Five pops the door open and just takes off running after slamming the door of the car.

“Come on Sam!” Simon calls while jumping out of the car.

“I don’t know what your planning to do but I’m not sure I want to be a part of it,” Sam says while getting out of the car at the same time.

“Just get in the cart Sam!”

At the urgency in Simon voice, Sam to decides to get in the cart.

He’s trying to climb in as Simon impatiently taps on the handle.

“Hurry up Sam.” Simon says, just as Five darts by, pushing a cart really fast.

“See you in the parking lot!” Five shouts behind at them.

“Come on!” Sam’s barely in the cart before Simon takes off.

It’s breathtaking speed and Sam is immediately afraid he will tip over and crash. 

Simon jumps on the cart as pick up enough speed that he can’t keep up with it. Sam looks forward as the rickety cart and sees Five not far ahead.

“We’re catching up!” Simon cries over the sound of the cart.

At the sound, Five looks back. Eyes going wide, Five jumps from the cart and pushes faster. Feet flying Simon does the same, and eventually catches up and passes Five.

Simon laughs loudly at the surprise on Five’s face and continuing at his fast clip.

“Woo-hoo! We got this Sammy!” Simon crows.

“You are bonkers!” Sam shouts back.

“No time to talk. I’m winning.”

Sam looks up and sees that there is some grocery store ahead. They keep up the pace until they cross into the parking lot and finally stops pushing so fast, letting the cart slow down, dragging a foot as a break.

Five isn’t far behind, rolling in next to them. 

“Well… that’s one out of… How many?” Five questions.

“This would be the first time I’ve won. But I still won. Sam is now my good luck charm. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever lost at a meet when Sam was there. You’re going to have to be at more of my activities Sam Wise.”

“You know you only won cause of Sam.” Five let’s go of the cart and steps closer, poking Simon in the chest. “Next time you won’t.”

“Why so competitive Five?” Simon also releases the cart in order to face Five full on. “Sometimes you’ve gotta let your husband win.”

“Definitely don’t have to.”

“Uh… Guys?” Sam starts. When he tries to stand, the cart wobbles and he doesn’t feel like falling face first in the parking lot.

“I do love when you get competitive Five. It’s pretty hot.” Simon ignores Sam speaking, maybe just plain doesn’t hear him. He’s pretty attentive to Five right now.

“Well I’m about to be smoking, cause I could totally beat you to getting food and coming back,” Five is chest to chest with Simon now, staring him down.

“As if,” Simon grins. If they got any closer to each other they would practically be making out.

“Guys!” Sam interrupts before they could continue. They both look over, seemingly confused. “Can someone help me out of here?” He blushes a little at his situation and the obviousness of his trying to get them apart.

“Oh, sure Sam. Sorry.” Five approaches quickly.

With a foot on the bottom of the cart, Five offers Sam a hand. Five was pretty graceful about helping him out, making up for Sam’s lack of grace.

He lands feet first on the ground and looks up to see just how close he is to Five. He takes a step back with as much casualness as he can manage, somehow managing to clip the cart with his heel.

“Maybe we’ll postpone me beating you until later. We’ve got another person here.”

“Did anyone else hear that? That was threats of domestic abuse!”

“Simon, come on. You know I wouldn’t hurt you,” Five say seriously.

“I am being abused,” Simon shouts. Some people doing some late shopping look over.

“But I will drag you through the parking lot if I have to. Be quiet you nut.” Five leaps on his shoulders and Simon only just catches the both of them before they fall to the ground.

“Okay, okay. I’ll be the quiet, haggard wife if that’s what you want.” He’s got one arm wrapped around Five and looking directly at her. And Sam thought they’d been close together before…

“I want you to be you. But I also don’t want you to get us into trouble.”

“Those two things are mutually exclusive. You can have me or you can keep out of trouble. Not both,” Simon responses.

“I’ll take that as a challenge.” Five says affectionately, smiling. “You can put me down now.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Simon whispers.

Five doesn’t say anything, just cocks an eyebrow at him.

Simon slowly sets Five down.

“You two coming? I don’t know about you, but I could use some food before we get to the rest stop.” Five starts towards where they left the car.

Sam and Simon glance at each other briefly before following after Five.

“So, do you two do that often? The cart racing?” Sam asks, mostly to fill the silence.

“Well, when you see cart that have lost their way, it’s the nice thing to do to return them home,” Simon is the one to answer.

“Plus, it’s a lot of fun,” Five continues.

“A lot of fun unless the cart tips backwards on top of you.” Simon gives Five a sideways glance.

“It’s not my fault you’re too heavy,” Five responds.

“Are you calling me fat now? That’s hurts Five. I think I might want a divorce.”

“Not on your life Lauchlan. We are ball-and-chained.” Five doesn’t even glance back at Simon.

“I can’t even escape this. Then again, maybe I don’t want to.” He steps faster and takes Five’s hand.

Five looks at him and Sam can just barely see the smiles and how Five pulls him a little closer.

Five glances back and catches Sam’s eye. To Sam’s surprise, Five reaches back a hand for him.

He hesitates for a moment, then reaches forward to grab the offered hand.

“So, what do you guy want to eat?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading as always. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I don't know how road trips happen else where in the world, but this is how I'd do a road trip.


	3. A Thousand Miles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I didn’t because I knew you’d bring enough to share. Which means we’ll have to share a shower."

They found a small place to grab food and made their way to the rest stop that was marked on the route to stop for the night. At least they were making good time.

Sam is laid across the back seat. Five and Simon stay in the front seats, less comfortable but Sam has found that runner’s will sleep just about anywhere, especially these runners.

Sam’s about to fall asleep when he hears a voice from the front seat.

“Five,” Simon whispers. “Are you awake?”

“Hm.” It sounds as though Simon woke Five up. “What’s up?”

“I didn’t mean to wake you. Sorry, go back to sleep.”

Sam hears something. A shifting body, he can only guess but he thinks it’s Five.

“I’m awake now. What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“Simon.”

“Okay,” Simon sighs quietly. “I was just looking at the stars. I know you like them, I was just… thinking about you.”

More moving sounds and Five speaks again.

“They’re beautiful from here. Hang on…”

Five is remarkably quiet about opening the sunroof to let in the moonlight and shift around a little more. Five gives a small sigh.

“This is nice,” Is said quietly.

“That’s can’t be comfortable,” Simon mutters.

“It’s alright. Besides, it’s one hell of a view.” That definitely sounds like flirtation.

“Sure, if you think so,” Simon mumbles.

“Get some sleep Simon,” Five whispers.

“Okay. Goodnight Five.”

“Night.”

******

Sam wakes up, not exactly sure when he fell asleep, but the sun is falling his eyes so he sits up and stretches his arms over his head.

He glances into the front seat to see Five laid across the front, head in Simon’s lap. Still asleep as far as he can tell.

“Morning Sam,” Simon says suddenly enough to startle Sam.

Simon has a hand on Five’s head, running fingers gently through strands of hair.

“Good morning, Simon,” Sam answers. It’s then that Five stirs a little in sleep. With a yawn, Five sits up and stretches in the driver’s seat.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I need to stretch my legs. You up for a run?”

“You know I am. Sam?” Simon questions.

“You two go on ahead. I’ll hold down the car.”

“Suit yourself.” Simon shrugs. “Need help getting changed Five?” He returns his attention to the other runner as Five reaches into a bag crammed in the backseat, digging blindly for clothes.

“I think I can manage. You need help?” Five responds.

“Well, now that you mention it, I think my nerves are damaged from you sleeping on my legs. I think I might need some assistance.”

“If you leg is that bad, maybe you shouldn’t run.”

“You know what, I’m fine. I can run. See you on the road.” Simon grabs his bag and dashes out of the car towards the bathroom.

Five laughs and finally wrestles free a set of clothes and opens the door.

“Jeez Five, how many sports bras did you bring?” Sam calls, looking at the mess that spilled from the bag. He knows Five hears him, but apparently decides not to respond. He watches as Five races off across the lot into the rest stop.

It’s hardly a minute later, while Sam is two scrolls into his phone before something bangs on the window. He jumps off his seat and looks up to see Five pressed against the glass.

“Work on some math Sam!” Five calls, making sure he nods before taking off after Simon, who is trotting backwards in what appears to be a random direction down the street.  
The pair goes racing off and out of sight.

Sam hopes they remember that they need to be on the road soon. They have time padded in for running, that was a given. But those two seem like they could run together for days.

Trying to keep focused on his work, he looks up occasionally in the direction the two took off. After a while, it’s not his eyes that catch the runner approach, it’s his ears. He knows Simon’s voice a little too well.

“Can’t go on.”

The two found their way back from a completely different direction than they left from.

“Get off of me. If you have to lie on the ground, me and Sam will come back for you. If I’m feeling kind,” Five says with exertion.

When Sam looks out the car windows, he sees Simon mostly collapses on top to Five and Five struggling to either support him or push him off, it’s difficult to tell.

“Five,” Simon’s whiny voice is followed by him toppling to the ground. 

He quickly springs up again and gives chase after Five. When he catches up, he scoops up and throws Five right over his shoulder.

“Thought you were too tired to keep going.” Five seems incredibly relaxed on his shoulder, propping up on an elbow against his back.

“I found the will to go on,” Simon answers plainly, approaching the car and setting Five down gently.

“We should probably shower before driving. I know I smell and I think Sam would appreciate it.”

“Fine, if you insist. There’s showers in the rest stop. So we’re set there as long as you brought shower supplies.”

“Did you not bring shower supplies Simon?”

“I didn’t because I knew you’d bring enough to share. Which means we’ll have to share a shower.”

Five opens the car door, grabbing a bag from the floor with a rather dramatic eye roll.

“Be back in a second, Sam. Keep working.” They trot off again.

Sam is a little distracted from studying cause he never figured out whether or not Five actually was going to shower with Simon. He still can’t figure out the actual paradigm of their relationship.

Being in a car with them somehow managed to confuse the issue more. They are really close, but Sam still can’t figure out if they really are sleeping together, and he really doesn’t want to think about it. He decides to try to focus on work rather than think too much about it.

Finally, they both come back out with damp hair. And Sam had been too engrossed in math to keep track of the time. Five would be proud of him for that.

Simon slides into the driver’s seat and Five actually climbs into the back with Sam.

“How’s the work coming Sam?” Five starts rubbing wet hair with the towel, looking at him with bright, ‘after a run’ eyes.

“It was going alright. Where did you guys go anyways?” He tries not to look too intently at Five, cause Five is incredibly attractive with bright eyes and wet hair.

“Long story.” Five waves casually. “Why don’t we work on this a bit while Simon drives. He decided he wants to listen to his music and I decided I wanted to spare up both the pain and told him to put in headphones.”

“Some people don’t know how to appreciate art,” Simon says back towards them while placing headphones in his ears.

“Simon, I might be married to you, but that doesn’t mean I will like your music taste.”

“Actually, I think that was in my vows. Thou shall enjoy my music.”

Five laughs.

“Why are you saying your vows like commandments?” Five questions.

“That’s how serious I am about my music. Respect it, honey.”

“Just put on your music and drive. Sam and I are gonna work.”

“Have you even considered that Sam might not want to study? Did you ever think about that Five?”

“Well frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn. Sam is studying. Now drive.” Five grins at Simon from the rearview mirror.

“I’ll start driving. Before you decide to hurt me.”

Five’s eyes roll dramatically and Simon takes the car out of park and starts driving.

“So Sam. Where were you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if it's just me, but my Five would 100% help Sam with his classes. Him not doing well makes me super sad and the boy obviously needed help. Another chapter, I hope you enjoy.


	4. Take Me There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Them’s the rules Sam. You coming?”

Simon is leaning between Five and Sam in the front seat from the backseat, bobbing along to the music.

Suddenly Simon gasps and points across Sam out the window. Luckily Five is driving and don’t startle easily.

“Oh, we have got to stop there.”

Sam follows the pointing finger and spots the large plastic waterslide off towards the horizon.

“A waterpark? I don’t think we have time for that. Five?” Sam glances at the driver seat. Slowly, Five turns to throw Sam a wild grin. “Five?”

“Come on Sam. We’re really ahead of schedule. I think we can spare a few hours.”

“You are kidding, right?”

For this, he receives two matching smiles.

“No. You can’t be serious.” Five kind of sneakily flick the turn signal in the direction of the exit. “I don’t have trunks or anything,” Sam argues.

“You can wear boxers, unless you’re a tighty-whitey guy.” Simon nudges Sam suggestively.

“They’ll probably have a gift shop where we can get a suit Sam. If not we’ll keep going,” Five says while shoving Simon back with a hand on his face. He retreats to the back without too much of a fight.

“Well…” Five’s smile finally draws him in. “Okay, couldn’t hurt to check it out.”

******

So fortunately, or unfortunately, they do find bathing suits for Sam to use. Simon cheekily offered the gaudiest pair he could find and Five helpfully found plain green ones that Sam much preferred.

Oddly enough, there weren’t many people even at the waterpark. Maybe because everyone in the area left for vacation and it’s so far out from anywhere so no one is really passing by. But whatever reason it was empty, Five and Simon didn’t care and were having a hell of a good time.

Sam watched them wrestling in the wave pool, using each other as shields when a big wave came, being broken apart from each other by the waves, then jumping on each other again. He didn’t really want to join them. They seemed to be having enough fun to last them.

He notices Five looking at him, then whisper something to Simon. He cocks an eyebrow while listening, then grins once Five is done.

Shifting nervously, he warily watches them as the come bounding out of the water, wiping water from their eyes.

Coming to a stop in front of him, they give matching, conspiratorial smiles.

“What is it?” Sam finally asks.

“We have decided that you are not having enough fun, therefore, you must go on the tallest waterslide.” Five offers a hand to help him to his feet.

“What? What if I don’t want to?” He says nervously. Not that he’s afraid of heights, but falling from heights isn’t his ideal activity.

“Then I have authorization, courtesy of my lovely partner Five, to haul you up the slide slung over my shoulder,” Simon adds, smiling widening.

Sam casts a glance at Five, who shrugs.

“Them’s the rules Sam. You coming?” The hand is still extended, so Sam relents, knowing these two aren’t joking about carrying him.

Five drags him to his feet and continues to drag him by the hand to the very same slide Simon first spotted on the way in. The really tall slide.

“Okay, so this is one more slide, then we really have got to go,” Five informs them both on the way over. Simon lets out an ‘aw’ of disappointment, which is silenced by Five’s intense look that was learned from a particularly scary runner.

“I think Five’s right though. We need to get going,” Sam adds, feeling himself getting sweaty from holding Five’s hand, who still hasn’t let go.

“But first, we’re going on that.” Finally Five lets go and points up, way up.

Sam gulps at the height of the tower. He doesn’t even have to comfort of seeing someone coming down and landing safely in the long pool. No one is going down it.

“What’s the matter, Sammy? Scared?” Simon teases.

“Knock it off Simon,” Five cuts in. “But if you don’t want to Sam, you actually don’t have to. Don’t want to make you do something you don’t want to.”

“Consent is very important,” Simon adds, nudging Sam’s shoulder.

“No, it’ll be fun.”

“You sure?” Five questions.

“Yeah, let's go.” With that, Sam starts to head up the stairs.

“You weren’t even going to let me carry him, were you?” Sam can still hear them when Simon asks Five this.

“Probably not, I think he just needed the right motivation,” Five responds then starts up the stairs after Sam.

Simon comes up behind and throws an arm over Five.

“You are pretty good at motivating. Me especially.”

Five laughs and leans into him comfortably. Simon can’t help but notice that the contact is lots of skin, both of them in bathing suits. Five’s is really warm against him.

By the time they reach the top of the stairs, Sam’s out of breath, but of course the runners are hardly fazed.

A lifeguard is on top of the slide. Apparently making sure not too many people go down at once. She’s obviously bored and well through a novel without anyone here.

“So, who’s going first?” Simon questions, sending a pointed look at Sam. When Sam shifts nervously, Five responds first.

“Well you’re not stopping me from going first.” Five takes off towards the slide. The lifeguard gives a nod.

Five swings off the top bar, the shout of excitement fading as the distance increases rapidly.

The lifeguard gives them a nod, proving that either Sam or Simon is good to go.

“Do you want to go next Sammy, or should I go and catch you at the bottom.”

“No, I’ve got this.”

“After you then,” Simon says extravagantly.

Sam takes a deep breath and steps up to the slide. He can’t even see Five down in the pool.

“You okay Sam?” Simon actually sounds a bit concerned.

“Yeah, I got this.” He takes a seat on the slide, water streaming around him. Finally, he braces himself and lets go.

It’s over a lot quicker than he expected. He didn’t fly off or hit hard concrete. Just splashes done safely in the pool.

A bubbly laugh greets him at the bottom and Five wraps arms around him and holds him close.

“Um… Five?” He begins. “I’m not Simon.”

Five pulls back to look at him incredulously.

“I know Sam,” And doesn’t let go.

Sam stares back at Five, frozen in the moment.

“Oh, I want a piece of this action.” Suddenly Simon is there grabs both of them and lifting the both of them off their feet.

Five laughs hard squished between Sam and Simon.

“Come on Simon. I think it’s time to head off. We don’t want to miss the mud run.”

“Well, I like hugging you. It shows how much I care about the one I’m married to and also shows off my amazing muscles. Sam’s just helping.”

“You can hug me later. Let’s all shower off and get going.” Five wriggles away from him and both Sam and Five are set in the water again. “If we don’t hurry up, we’ll miss the mud run.”

“It’s not the destination Five, it’s the journey.” Simon says while following after Five.

“Well, we better journey faster.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this! Simon and Five are such conspiratory bros.


	5. Runnin' Down a Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “This… thing you have with Simon. What is it?”

Back in van wearing street clothes after cleaning up, Five is back in the driver’s seat, planning on driving late into the night to make up for the delay.

“I was the one who insisted we go to the water park. I can drive us for a while,” Five says.

“Well, to be fair, I was the one who said we should go in the first place,” Simon says from his perch, chin against Five’s seat.

“But I was the one who drove us there. I’ll take the blame for this one,” Five retorts.

“Fair enough. I’ll give you this one. But the next trouble is mine.” Sam glances back at Simon, wondering what he means.

“Whatever you say Simon.”

“Oh, it will be my trouble. I promise.” Five gives him a sideways glance and smiles.

“Probably.”

******

A bump wakes up Sam with a start. He’d fallen asleep against the window in the passenger seat.

“Sorry, potholes,” Five mumbles towards Sam.

“That’s okay.” He stretches his arms over his head and yawns. “What time is it?”

“About one,” Five answers, not sounding the least bit tired.

“Why are you still driving?” Sam asks. He turns to look in the backseat, where Simon is sprawled out with his arm flung over his eyes.

“Well, I’m still awake enough to keep going. I know my limits Sam,” Five offers, face shrouded by the dark of the night.

“Yeah, I know.” They sit in silence for a long while. “Hey Five?”

“Yes Sam?”

“This… thing you have with Simon.” His eyes cut towards the hand he knows has the ring on it. “What is it?”

Five is quiet for a really long time and Sam’s worried he’s over stepped for a moment.

“I don’t know. You know Simon. Sometimes I think he’s just playing around. That he’ll see someone else he finds more interesting than me and decide… the game’s over,” Five says softly.

“Oh,” Sam can’t find it in him to say anything to that. And Five seems well lost in thought.

“This is a very good playlist, I don’t know if I said so earlier,” Five says with an inclined head just enough for Sam to see the headphone wires daggling.

“What? Oh, yeah. Thanks Five. To be honest, it was mostly Jack and Eugene’s work,” He admits rather sheepishly.

“I know, I am aware of their signature... And they actually voice signed one of the songs.”

“Oh no…” He sees Five turning to smile.

“You want to hear?”

“I might as well, or else I’ll never know what to be embarrassed about.”

Five pulls the headphones out of the radio and turns the volume way down. Pressing a button, a familiar song plays, one Sam recognizes as a Five favorite.

About halfway through, a radio static sound effect cut in.

“Hello Five,” The voices of both Jack and Eugene come over as Sam tries to bury himself in his hoody.

“We are surreptitiously putting this recording among a song we don’t think Sam will remove or be suspicious of in hopes that you hear it,” Eugene explains as Five snickers quietly.

“Sam is a wonderful guy, but of course you know that,” Jack continues.

“And obviously you would have to be blind to not see the huge crush he has on you.”

Sam groans and burrows deeper into his seat.

“So you should totally give him lots of kisses and hold his hand and be really cute together,” Jack gushes.

“Okay, that’s all we can say without making the song too long. Bye.” Eugene has to speak over Jack’s uncontrollable giggles.

“Bye,” Jack adds and it goes right back into the song.

Sam sits, glaring at the radio for a few moments.

“Sorry about that Five,” He mumbles, not daring to look over.

“Well, that’s Jack and Eugene. They’re almost as bad at the matchmaking thing as Maxine.”

“God, Maxi is terrible at matchmaking.” Sam unfolds a little in his seat.

“Remember everything she pulled for Jody?”

“Yeah, she was really persistent about the Owen thing.”

“Even I could tell that was a bad match.”

“Well, it was pretty obvious. That run was a disaster.” Sam thinks back to twisted ankles and lots of name-calling.

“Yeah, that was rough,” Five confirms. “But she tries. A little too hard maybe but she tries.”

“Wouldn’t have Maxi any other way though.”

“Yeah, I guess we’ll keep her.” Five reaches over and pats Sam leg. This surprises Sam so much he can’t react before Five moves away. “There’s a rest stop coming up. I think it’s time to turn in for the night.”

“Sounds like a plan to me. I know we’ll make it there in time.”

“You are good at planning stuff, so I believe you. And I know runners are really hard to predict, so that’s a real feat.”

Sam’s glad for the dark so Five doesn’t see him blushing more.

“Yeah,” He says a single word shakily.

Five doesn’t seem to notice while taking the exit and finding a parking spot underneath a light.

After unbuckling, Five leans against the door.

“Get some sleep Sam. See you in the morning.”

“Night Five,” Sam responds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a day late. Another short chapter for you. Hope you enjoy.


	6. I Don't Want This Night to End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Everyone knows how he feels about you! He’s just to scared to ever admit it.”

Despite his best efforts to keep from being noticed, the lights come on automatically when the door opens. Both Five and Sam wake up, looking around in confusion.

Simon takes off running, leaving the door hung wide open.

“Simon?" Five questions, still groggy and yawning.

"What’s going on?” Sam asks.

“Simon ran off. I’ll go after him. You stay with the car.” Five opens the door and takes off running.

******

“Simon. Simon, where are you?” Five calls, having lost his trail through the brush. “Simon?”

By the light of the moon, Five finally spot a figure sitting on a fallen tree.

“Hey, Simon. What’s wrong?”

He doesn’t answer.

“Was it nightmares?” Five pauses. “Come on. Talk to me.”

“Since it’s all a game, why don’t you just guess?” He bitterly throws over his shoulder.

“Wha… Oh, you heard that?” Five asks, face heating up.

“Yeah, or did you forget I was even there? Buddying all up with Sam…” He mumbles.

“Simon, we both agreed to ask Sam to come along. We thought it would be fun.” Five starts closer to him.

“But I didn’t think he would say yes! I know it weirds him out that we do this, he just pretends it doesn’t. Everyone knows how he feels about you! He’s just to scared to ever admit it.”

“Yeah, I know that Simon. But you and me…”

“Maybe you’d be better with him.”

“What are you talking about? Why would you say that?” Five takes a seat next to him on a half-rotten, fallen tree.

“I am terrible! I have commitment issues, I can’t stop looking at other people, my head is always full of sinful things. I’m not a good person!”

“I know all those things Simon. And I still wear this stupid plastic ring.” Five rebuts coarsely.

“Look, if you don’t want it, you can just give it back.” He juts his hand towards Five, still not looking at Five in the eye.

“Simon!” Five shouts and grabs him by the front of the shirt to pull his face close.

He thinks for a long moment how similar to another scary runner Five looks in this moment and braces for physical impact. Five notice the tears in his eyes.

When he is yanked forward again, feeling lips on his is probably to last thing he expected.

Five pulls back and smiles at his dumbfounded expression.

“You… You kissed me?” He questions.

“Yes...” Five says sort of unsurely, not sure what he’ll think about it.

“Did… did you mean to?” He asks.

“Yes,” Five laughs, pressing a hand to his neck and sliding it up to cup his skull.

“Oh… Do you want to do it again?”

Five touches foreheads with Simon, smiling.

“Yes.”  
Simon isn’t sure who leaned in first, but kissing Five is like nothing he’s ever experienced. It feels like the exact complement to him, which could pull himself together. Fitting together the broken pieces of him.

“Mm, Simon?” Five begins, barely pulling away.

“Yeah?”

“I think we need to talk.” Five does pull full away this time.

“Really? Now? Cause I just realized how good kissing you is and I don’t want to stop.”

“Yes, I think it’s important. We never talk.”

“We talk all the time,” He says and kisses her again, Five almost losing all trains of thought.

“No,” Another kiss pulls Five off course. “Simon, we banter and joke, but we never talk…. About us.”

“Now?” He questions again, hands resting on Five’s waist in a way that makes wanting to talk seem unnecessary. 

“Yes, now. I think it’s important.”

“Okay. Let’s talk. And then maybe later more kissing?” He runs his fingers up Five’s arm.

“We’ll see,” Five responds with bright eyes.

So they sit and talk, touching always in the slightest. Simon really like holding Five’s hand and rubbing his thumb along Five’s knuckles.

They talk about what they are and what they both want to be with each other. They even talk about how Sam fits into and they come to a decision.

******

Sam’s really starting to get anxious, actually was about to call the police when Simon and Five finally show back at the car, hand in hand.

Five slides into the driver’s seat and Simon into the back. Sam sits in the passanger seat, almost too nervous to move. He’s not sure what happened.

“Um… Are things… okay?” Sam finally musters up the courage to ask as Five is driving them out of the rest stop.

“Things are fine Sam,” Five responds, smiling at him a bit mischievously.

“I just needed a bit of fresh air.” As for Simon, he’s reclined in the back of the car like nothing happened.

“The sun will be up soon anyways. About time to head out anyways.” Five continues. Sam knows a runner’s perception of ‘almost morning’ is a bit skewed, a glance at the clock proves this.

“After you find a place to have breakfast, I’ll take over driving, babe.” Simon reaches up and touches Five’s shoulder.

“Sure thing, sweetheart,” Somehow Five sounded un-ironic about saying this. When looking at Five, Sam sees affection shining in those eyes directed at Simon.

Sam starts and stops trying to ask what happened, but doesn’t want to ask Five with Simon in the car and only Five would actually answer him.

After they grab a fruit breakfast from a small stand on the side of the road, Simon is driving and Five sits in the passenger seat. Occasionally Five plays along with Simon’s pleads for grapes but just as often shoves them in his face, laughing.

Whatever happened between them, it only seemed to strengthen their relationship. Sam can tell that much, without knowing what happened. He’s also pretty sure they’re planning something involving him. He keeps catching Simon sending little smirks back at him using the rear view mirror. Five and Simon are absolutely pros at conspiring, but he knew that before coming on the road trip.

******

“This is definitely the place.”

“If the abandoned buildings and wooden obstacles in the mud didn’t give it away.” Simon throws an arm around Sam.

“And the people dressed and made up as zombies.” Five come in on his other side and presses against him. “I think that’s where you’re supposed to go Sam.”

“But before you go, Five and I have something to ask you.” Simon and Five glance at each other then spin around in front of Sam and both get down on one knee. 

Sam recoils slightly and looks around to see if anyone is looking.

“Sam, Simon and I did some talking and we need to ask you something.” Five pulls out a ring.

“Will you marry us?” They say at the same time.

“Uh…” Sam cuts his eyes towards Five.

“Don’t look at just Five,” Simon cuts in.

“We’re a package deal.” Five bumps Simon’s shoulder.

“Well… um…” Sam glances between the two of them, but again it’s Five who convinces him to say yes without really realizing he has. He knows he said yes when Five leapt up and arms took a tight grip around his neck. Five laughed and Sam had to actually steady the both of them. When he grabs Five’s hips he blushes, but he can’t focus on that too long because Simon wraps an arm around him and ruffles his hair.

“Welcome to the marriage Sam,” Simon says jovially.

“I’ll make you a proper ring once we get back. But right now we’ve got to get done up as a zombie so you can chase us.” After slipping a plastic ring, Five pushes Sam towards the direction trailer. “Go! We’ve got to get warmed up.”

“Okay, alright. I’m off.” Sam turns and walks to the trailer.

“Did you see the look on his face? Oh, he was so surprised.” Simon grins at Five.

“Yeah, that was great. Now come on, let’s get warmed up. This course doesn’t look easy.” Five grabs his arm and start to pull him towards the other runners.

“I wonder if we’ll see our new husband on the trail?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter. One more to go. Hope you enjoy.


	7. Life is a Highway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey! You can’t do that!” Sam spins around and struggles up.   
> “Already did!”

Feet pound the dirt, sloshing through mud, and the groans of zombies. Nothing like it to get the blood moving and the heart pumping.

“Three, on your right.” Five naturally falls back into using running numbers. It’s what they always use when running and feels good in this situation.

“See them, darling.” Simon refuses to use the number when it makes sense.

When the small group of people dressed as zombies come out from behind a sewage gate, the two of them turn off to the side while the other runners near them are attacked (the flags worn around all the runners waists are pulled). Making it out of reach by a few feet, Simon and Five laugh breathlessly. Neither have had any of their flags pulled, even though they get three flags and still win the race. But both are competitive enough to want to not lose a single flag.

“They’re chasing us,” Simon comment casually.

“Alright, let’s split up. Cut them in half and meet back up after the mud,” Five explains and Simon grins.

“I like the way you think, my love. See you on the other side.”

He peals away from Five and the ‘zombies’ had to split up to chase them both.

Five loses sight of Simon pretty quickly and so instead focuses on leaving the zombies behind. 

The trail consists of your average, everyday obstacle course and also buildings that are either really well made fakes, or this was actually some sort of neighborhood that was left to the wilds a long time ago. So the obstacle course is hard to surmount, but Five and Simon quickly realized that tons of zombies mills about on the beaten dirt and in buildings. It was safer to stick to the mud and the wooden structures. Easy being relative of course.

While picking a path through the mud, not really avoiding it that much, Five hears a very recognizable yelp.

Almost pulling to a complete stop, Five quickly identifies Simon as he disappears inside one of the houses and slams the door shut with zombies piling outside. Without even hesitating, Five heads in that direction.

“Hey, hey! I’m shouting and moving, follow me!” Five takes off into the obstacle course.

The zombies glance at each other before deciding that yes, they would chase something that was running away.

Five doesn’t have a huge head start on them, but is quick enough to outrun them in due time.

“Look over here! Come on!” When Simon starts shout at the zombies, the actors looked really confused, they’re supposed to chase the closest person they see, but the pair are about equally distanced.

Five groans and starts off, Simon follows so they basically meet up at a point and run side by side.

“What are you doing, you idiot? I was trying to get them off of you!” Five exclaims, punching him playfully.

“Respectfully my love, but I cannot let you take this burden alone. We are part of a lovely relationship that now includes a third. We’ve got to look out for each other.”

“Yeah, we do. Speaking of, we got to keep a look out for Sam. He’s got to be around here somewhere,” Five throws a look backwards, though Sam wasn’t in the crowd before.

“Maybe he already got killed,” Simon suggests.

“We don’t kill the zombies, we run from them,” Five laughs.

“Well, how do you propose you deal with them in the long term?” He queries.

“I… Why don’t we worry about that a little later? Like when we’re not running for our lives?”

“Gotta think of the future darling. Do you want the three of our’s future children to live in a world full of zombies?”

“Future children?” Five asks, looking at him with confusion.

“Well…” She catches him blushing before finally coming up with a plan to deal with the zombies.

“Okay, got a plan. Three, you run as fast as you can around this mud patch. I’ll lead them through the mud, climb the rope and leave them behind.

“Sounds good.” He seems relieved about the subject change.

“Ready? Go!” When Simon wants to pick up speed, he really can. No zombie stood a chance in keeping up.

Five looks back to make sure the rest are following and then picks up speed. With an impressive leap, Five misses most of the mud and grabs a dangling rope and immediately starts climbing.

Simon looks over at Five, heart nearly stopping at seeing Five’s muscles working while climbing the rope,

Once at the top, Five swings until the rope gets close enough then lets go, landing safely on top of the wooden structure which is supposed to be jumped from. The rope designed to slide down to get to the ground, with gloves and the like. It looked like a structure that might be for training firemen or special forces. Five decides that it doesn’t matter which way it’s supposed to be used if zombies are involved.

So Five has basically lost the zombies at this point, but still has to get down without catching them again. The monkey bars will do just fine.

Taking the monkey bars is easy enough for Five, but rolling down a climbing net is a little iffy.

Simon is at the bottom of the net to help Five back up.

“That was an impressive bit of acrobatics, my dear.” Simon still has his hand in Five’s.

“Gotta do what you gotta do. Let’s move.”

Without zombies in pursuit, the run is slightly simpler. And apparently they got to compliant.

A zombie leaps out from behind a tree and pulls one of Simon’s flags.

In the shocked silence that follows, Five registers Sam smiling and holding the flag, under a deep layer of gorey makeup.

“It’s too late for me Five. Go, run!” Simon gives Five a push and Sam follows in quick pursuit. Normally, Sam wouldn’t have a chance at keeping up with Five, except Five has already been running for a while and Sam is fresh.

He’s still chasing Five when he loses track of the figure suddenly. His steps falter a bit but he keeps at it, hoping to catch up.

A force knocks him to the ground, holding him down with a hand pressed to the back of his head.

“Now you’re a dead zombie,” Five whispers softly, basically cradling him.

“I don’t think you can do that,” Sam responds.

“Oh yeah?” Five cocks an eyebrow. A gentle kiss on his lips leaves Sam stunned. “Then why didn’t you pull my flag?”

Just as quickly as the attack happen, Five is gone.

“Hey! You can’t do that!” Sam spins around and struggles up.

“Already did,” Five calls back, already plenty far away that Sam will never be able to catch up.

Sam laughs shakily, unconsciously touching the ring Five put on his finger and blushes when he realizes what he’s doing.

It maybe costume jewelry, but he refused to take it off for being made into a zombie. Even it is a game, he might be a little more than delighted to be a part of it.

******

Five comes over the crest of the hill and sees the finish line, guarded by a mass of zombies. With a grin, Five scans the area and finds an opening.

The zombies tried to catch Five, but by twisting and swerving wildly, Five just as easily avoids these zombies without a scratch and crosses the line.

Panting, Five looks back towards the edge of the hill. A sound is coming from behind it and a mud caked figure crests the hill. Five knows Simon well enough to recognize him by profile.

Excitedly, Five jumps up and down and waves wildly. Simon offers a leisurely wave, looks behind him then take off faster. Zombies are right behind him, but not gaining any distance. He still has to make it through the landmine of zombies ahead of him.

“I’m coming baby! I’m on my way!” He shouts quiet loudly, loud enough for Five to hear.

“Come on Three!” Five encourages.

He makes it through the zombies easily enough and plows right into Five’s open arms, knocking them both down.

Together in an embrace, they laugh, smearing mud all over each other.

“We did it!” Five exclaims, pulling him closer.

“I love you Five!” Simon says, then gasps when he realizes what he said.

“I love you too.” Five grasps his chin and pulls his lips down. They kiss softly, only pulling apart at the sound of more people cheering as they cross the line.

The two of them untangle and sit up, watching other competitors arrive and celebrate.

Finally after the mud starts to dry and cake on their skin, they make an announcement calling the zombies back in.  
Simon notices how Five sits up straighter and smiles when Sam comes over the hill. But it doesn’t twist him with jealousy as much as it usually does. It still does a bit. He’ll have to work on it, and talk to Five he decides.

Sam spots the two and walks over.

Five prompts Simon so they stand.

“How many people did you eat Sam?” Five asks.

“Um… Just Simon actually.” Sam rubs the back of his head.

“Aw, I’m your first and only Sam? How sweet!” Five stops Simon from jumping on Sam.

“Before you do that, we need to get cleaned up so we can get going.”

“We’ll put that hug on hold for later, Sam.” Simon ruffles Sam’s already messy hair. “I am a bit dirty guy right now.” He winks.

Sam blushes and follows behind Simon, Five comes in on his side and bump into his side.

“Did you have fun?” Five asks him.

“Actually yeah. I’ve never been made up like that before. It was… interesting.”

“We can dress you up like a zombies more often. I actually really liked being chased. It was invigorating.”

“You’ll want to do it to someone a little faster than me. I’m not much of a threat to someone as fast as you.” He mumbles, looking away.

“Zombies aren’t supposed to be fast. Sprinting undead would be pretty scary.” Five shudders dramatically.

“Ah, we could outrun them no problem, right Five?” Simon calls behind him.

“Well I could. You got bit today. And you only get one chance at that.”

“Sam got lucky. If he plays his cards right, he could get lucky again.” Simon grins at Sam.

“Well, I’m not very good at cards. Maybe go fish?” Sam rebutes.

Simon laughs hard, actually leaning on his knees to keep steady.

“You know what Sam, I like your style.”

Five grabs Sam’s hand and glances at him.

“Me too. Come on, I think it’s time we head home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of the series, I hope you enjoyed.

**Author's Note:**

> This took me forever because of school. But when I first hear the idea 5amon road trip, I knew it had to be done. I'm not sure I did it justice, but I did it. I hope you liked it.


End file.
